shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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