Plan B is the new Plan A
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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