just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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