I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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