I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
