1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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