I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
