he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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