question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
