I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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