Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
