oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
