Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
