I think scott just propositioned me for sex
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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