god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
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There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
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the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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