We need to start having sex underwater more often.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
