How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
A+ Viking dick
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize