Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
