it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
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There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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