my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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