They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
