i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
