True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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