You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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