what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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