i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
