not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
