hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
