Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
