he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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