I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
