I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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