i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
