I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
