Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
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