He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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