can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
