When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
