Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
