I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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