But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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