apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
