You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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