She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
