I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
