Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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