Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
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