I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
40s are totally the cure
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
