You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
