My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
