In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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