I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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