I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
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She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
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There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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