Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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