I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
