your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
