you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
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He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
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What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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