omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I hope mine doesn't look like that
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
