What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I am naked and annoyed.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
