Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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