he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
