if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
