I'm really into asian looking animals
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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