i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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