he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"