What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
