One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
